How to live in a city you hate: The fat phase

That's right guys. I'm at the fat phase of winter. Don't believe me? My dinner last night was composed of one pint glass of Evolution Amber Ale and a giant slice of white chocolate cranberry cheesecake (from Dodo, OMG it was so good), which I proceeded to eat all of. After my nutritious meal, I then indulged in two hours of comedy tours by Kevin Hart.

While I laughed so hard last night I know I burned a few of those cheesecake calories, it wasn't enough to make up for my last few days of utter laziness.

The "fat phase" hits everyone at some point during the winter season. Usually it's right around Christmas when there are chocolates, cookies and candy canes everywhere you look. It makes sense. After so many weeks bundled up (feeling fat from the down feathers that keep you warm anyway) you feel like the difference of a couple pounds won't be noticed, and that you'll get your ass in gear this spring before swim suit season. Hopelessness plus holiday stress is the recipe for the fat phase.

Because of my recent trip to the beach, the phase is hitting me a little later. Over December and the beginning of January, I was driven to the gym by my California vacation. However, now that that's done and I know no one but S will be seeing my flesh for the next few months (sorry baby), I've subconsciously given up entirely on trying to be healthy and buried myself in comfort foods. (Seriously, I bought Chef Boyardee for lunch last week).

So here I am, at the corner of hearty and hefty, with a negative amount of motivation to eat right or exercise. I'm even writing this blog mostly to justify sitting down by being "productive." But also to say, "Hey, fellow winter survivors, I know how you're feeling, and I'm there too."

While I want to say I'll make a deal with you right now to eat healthy, the idea of getting rid of my five cans of Chef Boyardee is more depressing than scraping snow off of my car in the morning. And while I do want to exercise, I'm having a hard time budgeting my time well enough to go regularly (that's what two jobs will do to you sometimes).

So here is a suggestion. If sitting on my ass is all my lazy ass will do, then I'll be a smart lazy ass. Instead of posting up on my bed with hours of this TV show or that movie, I'm going to...dare I say it...read. If my tummy is bound to grow over winter, then so shall my mind. What better excuse to snack endlessly and sit around under the covers than because I'm reading? This way, I can justify my bad habits and finish some of those novels I'm halfway through at the same time.

For those of you out there in the fat phase, fear not. Your pain is shared by many, and the phase will pass. Until then, join me in a crusade to be a lazy ball of processed foods and old Christmas cookies, while indulging in some good books.

Here are some of my suggestions for your winter reading list:

Funny: "Naked" by David Sedaris